Yesterday wasn’t really half bad.
I pulled M out of school for a psychiatry appointment, and we met T at the doctor’s office. M wanted food, and REALLY didn’t want to go back to school (detention). I told him to wait and see when we got out of the doctor’s office.
The visit went fine. We chatted mostly about M’s bad behavior increasing, which he defended saying that it wasn’t increasing, that the principal told him they were just “experimenting” on him to see how he reacted to getting written up. Which is half correct… sort of. The goal was to make sure the bad behaviors were documented, instead of just letting them slide, like they had been. To paint a fair picture for future high schools. I mentioned the stealing, which didn’t concern the psychiatrist. The lying. The “B&E” of the vacant house. None of this concerned her. M had, of course, mentioned none of this, and had shut down for her, which to me was odd, because he was really wanting to talk to her before.
When the psychiatrist sent M out of the room, she asked again about how things were going. T focused on the possibility of disruption, the lying/stealing, and lack of trust. I focused on the good; the small, daily victories: tooth brushing, litter boxes, sometimes actually seeing our point of view recently. She saw the dread on T’s face. She gave us options for counseling, but no longer through her hospital. She told us to make sure to get children’s services involved, getting their resources lined up. She didn’t poo-poo the idea of EMDR, but suggested further research of the company (which she had never heard of the doctor, despite him having written several books). She did poo-poo attachment. She did poo-poo getting therapy lined up through her office. She called me out as seeing the “glass half full” while T was seeing it (more than) “half empty”.
I’m sorry. I believe my son is dealing with 12 years of BS, adding teenage hormones and desires, and inconsistency at home. We try to be consistent, but it’s hard juggling day to day plus crises that come with old houses, and extremely difficult when emotions are involved. It’s really hard when your son is seen as “pissing and shitting on” everything you do, to set that consistent threshold, over and over and over. We know the school struggles with it, too.
We got out of the doctor’s office too late to go back to school. We ended up stopping at Subway, grabbing a sub for M. He wanted to argue about what his 2-day consequences were, when they started and where he was allowed to go. “Well, if I can’t go to X, it’s not fun.” Dude, really? It’s not supposed to be fun, it’s supposed to reinforce that what you did at school was wrong. That’s all. (He’s allowed to go to some trusted family’s houses, but not anywhere else. No park/library/community center/ravine… nowhere but those houses. I texted the parents to let them know to give me a heads up if he didn’t do what he was supposed to.
There was much grumbling, but he did as he was told. At least until after dinner, and then, I didn’t want to ruin the next couple days, so I didn’t check up.
M came home on time, helped his friend with his toys, and did his nightly routine without argument. We did have a little fun watching a comedy special, and got some more paperwork done.
I got a call from a counseling agency, as a referral from the school. They’re checking into whether or not they can help with our specific needs. They bill insurance, but they don’t know if they have the resources to help M through his unique challenges.
Today started rough, but not M or T’s fault – we had a drain pipe burst and gallons and gallons of shower water poured down through the ceiling and walls, through the living room, to the basement, ruining clothes and other things. Very lucky if we have a working TV or entertainment center tonight. Also lucky that the antiques that were under there did not get ruined. T was a mess, filled with adrenaline, and had a difficult time calming down. I shrugged it off. I mean, once you’ve discovered it, taken care of the source, there’s little to worry about other than clean up and calling insurance and plumbers. Why stress? It is what it is.
So, that’s it for Tues/Wed. Not horrible at all. Pretty decent, despite the home woes.